Being a writer (creative in general I am sure, but I am just speaking here to my experience) is such a weird thing…
On the one hand (as many people have said before) to share what you write, you have to believe that what you are doing is worth other people taking time out from their busy lives to read. And on the other, you (well, 99.99% of the writers I know, including myself anyway) are absolutely certain that there is nothing you have to say that is cosmically meaningful in the scheme of things.
I have struggled with impostor syndrome my whole life – when I was in grade school I was afraid to wear my hat backwards because that was what “cool” kids did, and I felt like I would be lying if I did it to!
As a writer, I regularly operate as if I think my work is worth the time and energy that publishers and readers will have to invest. “Yes, what I do is worth exactly X to you/will bring you Y amount of entertainment/joy/pleasure.”
But the truth is, there is no way to really calculate whether what I am doing has Meaning, because meaning is such a subjective thing. I have been told both that what I am doing is Important (ha ha no pressure) and Good, and I have been informed that what I am doing is not only Bad (both literally and morally), but also ruining the medium I am working it.
I tend to not really care about the latter attitude, because I am not actually forcing anyone to read my work, and the things those people tend to think are “morally reprehensible” are including characters that are outside of the (fictitious, absolutely not a thing) “standard person” (cis het white able-bodied male). Which. Okay, I’m a villain I guess.
But the former attitude has always felt uncomfortable too, and not just because I have self-esteem issues (look, I’m working on it).
I have really struggled with articulating why that is, partially because I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I am VERY grateful that not only are so many people supportive of my work, but that I have had the chance to be involved with projects that help people feel see.
Magen Cubed (pronouns she/they), who often has very insightful (while still being very “oh,wow, yeah of course) things to say spoke a little on this recently on their twitter.
These are sentiments that I have had A LOT of struggle articulating, and I am really grateful that Magen is someone who aggressively resists a lot of toxic positivity in a way that really sharply brings into focus how very casual and pervasive it is.
I am not Important. My work is just my work. It’s value (to the world) is given by the people that read it.
It’s value to me is in the making of it.
I hope to be able to connect with people though my work, and I hope it helps people in whatever way they need from it. My life (my literal, actual life) was saved on two separate occasions by books I was reading at the time. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that, but even if my work brings a smile to someone’s face that is a win to me.
THAT WAS HEAVY, HAVE SOME FUN STUFF
You can tell I was born in the 80s because I am still charmed by text-to-binary code converters, and websites that make you look like you are in a hacking movie…
Some playlists I made
Speaking of Magen Cubed, she writes some pretty spicy fiction that y’all should check out!
The rest of TQS: Leah Williams and Tini Howard both have Substacks!
I also have a website where you can find more info on my work and some comic industry resources!
THANKS SO MUCH!
I’m grateful that you’ve decided to join me here, and hope to make it worth your while! This is a repetitive sign off, but only because it’s always going to be true.<3
Thank you for adding an ace character to the Marvel universe!
Love these thoughts, because they reach me as a heartening perspective from within struggle. Thank you for putting them into words. Also, thanks for the fun code-ishness resources. Gonna use those with my kids learning about coding!